Babyslang Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: Food, Music, & More

  • “You don’t have to hold my hand, Finny,” I say.
    “I want to!,” he protests. “There’s a lot of people here & I don’t want to get captured!”
  • “Dad-O, do you see what I’m doing?” asks Finn. “I’m getting my muscles a little bit stronger & heavier so I can do special techniques!”
  • Music
    • I told the kids I’m visiting a guy named Stu today. “A Boy Named Stu??” asked Finn.
    • “Dad-O, when I’m older we’ll get a dog who *won’t* chew kids’ toys, and we’ll name him Paul Simon!”
    • “Pumped-Up Kicks?” Finn says incredulously. “I thought Kix were cereal.”
    • Listening to “Another One Bites The Dust.” Finn: “That Freddie Markery is a weird guy, Dad-O. ‘Hangin’ on the edge of your sink’?”
  • Chow:
    • I’ve raised a 4yo son who, in the middle of McDonald’s & out of the blue, yells “Captain Sullenberger? Captain Cheeseburger!!” I rule. 🙂
    • “When it’s your birthday, do you have to eat real food, or can you just eat cake?” asks a hopeful, birthday-eve Finn.
    • The boys brandish curly straws.
      Henry: “This is my sales tool!”
      Me: “Your… what??”
      Finn: “Yeah, they help managers!”
      (No idea, I swear!)
    • The lads are debating anatomy over breakfast:
      F: “Elephants are meat.”
      H: “Noo!”
      F: “*You’re* meat!”
      H: “But my *bones* are not meat!!”
  • Neighbor kids invite us to their treehouse. “It’s our secret lavatory!” Boy I hope that’s not true.
  • We’re playing pirates out back. “You make me peel potatoes, Dad-O,” says Finn. “I’m your galley sleeve!”
Babyslang Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: Hen-speak

  • Henry’s jealous of Finn’s March birthday.
    H: “I don’t want July! I want a different month!”
    Me: “Like what?”
    H: “Um… San Francisco!”
  • Henry sees the globe on Continental planes: “Those are raccoon airplanes. They have stripey tails!”
  • Hen channels his mom: Rolling on the floor he says, “My back is hurting. I’m doing exercises.” And then, “My back wants truck videos!”
  • Henry’s learning “sorry.”
    H: “Sorry I puked all over, Dad-O.”
    Me: “Oh, you don’t have to be sorry, bud.”
    H: “Sorry I apologized.”
  • “What are *these*, Dad-O?” asks Henry, fingering my forehead wrinkles. Been asking myself that, son.
  • On speakerphone the conf. call system says, “Press the pound key.”
    “Press the palm tree!” grins Henry. “Robot lady said it!”
  • “It’s not Christmas anymore, Mad Birds,” declares Henry. “Take off your party helmets!
Babyslang Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: Big men knowin’ some stuff

  • M: “Finny, you are my sunshine.”
    F: “Yeah, and the Lego chopper pilots are *my* sunshine!”
  • Big guys:
    • Finn notices me dawdling on Twitter. “Time for you to hit the shower, Big Man!” he declares.
    • Finn, to Margot’s six-foot-four dad: “Grandpa, when you grow up, you’ll be as tall as a GIANT!!”
    • “I moved Henry’s fragile truck,” Finn tells me from the couch, “so you wouldn’t shatter it with your big ol’ Dad-O butt.” #verbatim
  • “I’m Captain Sully, Dad-O,” Finn advises me from the jungle gym. “I’m watching out for birds so we don’t end up in the Hudson!”
  • Finn’s taken to telling me bedtime stories, then wrapping up with “And THAT, my Dad-O, is the end of that!”
  • Rebuffed by Margot at the park, Finn tells us, “Well, I’m not gonna deal with a person who doesn’t ride the roller coaster!”
  • Bird-like bits:
    • “Dad-O, I found you a new pecker!” declares Finn, brandishing a stick (y’know, for peck-peck-pecking). Sometimes I sure love my life. 🙂
    • After “pecking” the boys with a stick, I discarded it in the driveway. “Oh no, Dad-O,” said Finn, “Don’t let the Ocho run over your pecker!”
  • “Yeah, I know you have to get money to pay for things–like the gazebo.” — Finn, mourning our return to work.
Babyslang Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: Germans, Creatures, & Chaos

  • Deutschland:
    • “Moin moin moin moin moin moin!” says Finn.
      “Could you stop that?” asks Margot.
      “No,” he says, “I’m a German!”
    • “Peanuts are green,” sings Finn, “roses are red… and Germans are crazy!” (Sorry, Germans! :))
    • Henry, just now: “Is Mom-O talking to Germans?”
      Me: “Yep.”
      Finn: “No! Nein nein nein nein!!”
  • Creatures:
    • “I’m a Clark, Dad-O,” Henry reports.
      “You’re a… ‘Clark’?,” I ask.
      “Yeah. In the dark, in a park.” #OneFishTwoFish
    • I overhear Finn yelling at a strange green seed pod: “Get over here, you darn… Boba Fett!”
    • “What’s that guy, Dad-O?”
      “It’s a daddy longlegs.”
      “And that one?”
      “Uh… that’s a daddy fatbutt.”
      I am a tremendous educational resource.
  • Chaos:
    • “You need to look after me, Dad-O,” Finn tells me, “or”–eyes twinkling–“I might have to cause *mayhem*!”
    • Finn helpfully corrects my reading of an ABC book: “M is for ‘Mayhem,’ V is for ‘Volvo,’ and P is for ‘Pee!'”
Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: Fun with Food

  • “What’s inside an avocado, Dad-O?,” wonders Finn.
    “Well, there’s a pit…” I begin.
    “Yeah,” he adds, “and guacamole!!”
  • Thoughtful 2yo Henry, returning from a 9am grocery store run: “Dad-O may you drink some beer, please?”
    NOW it’s a Christmas break.
  • Marching off to grab my beverage, 2yo Henry gleefully announces, “Coke is SPICY, for NOT ME!!”
  • Tonight’s culinary innovation: “Kid on the Cob.” Req. tender thigh of tot, aged 2-3 yrs. Serves large helpings of hilarity, family-style.
  • Margot to Finn on Saturday morning: “Want a corn dog, hon?”
    Finn: “No, I only eat corn dogs on the weekend.”
  • Having learned about farm implements in Galena, Finn asks me, “Is there a big blade in our tummies to mix up the food?”
  • Surprise: your keyboard includes an “ice cream cone” key. This according to 2yo Henry (viewing Volume Up sideways).
  • Finn’s parting comment to Margot as she tucked him in: “I assume there will be breakfast in the morning?” 😀
Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: A Little Baño Music

We haven’t done a wrap-up like this since October (!), so here’s a belated round-up of the guys’ little sayings since then.

  • Music:
    • I body slam Finno in the laundry room. He sings back, “I fell into a burning ring of hamper…!”
    • I catch Finn singing our neighbor’s name into the tune of “Thunderstruck”: “oohOOWahahAAHow, PAB-LO!”
    • Hipped the boys to AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck” via YouTube chopper videos. Henry asks, “What is that baby [Brian Johnson] crying about?”
    • “Foom foom FOOM Foom foom!” Finn sings to Henry this morning. “Reality hits you *hard*, bro!”
    • Finn’s running around, sticking phrases into “Ride of the Valkyries” (e.g. “Open the SANDbox, open the SANDbox…!”) That. Is. My. BOY! 😀
    • Oddest mash-up, courtesy of our son: Peter Gabriel meets Sandra Boyton. “I want to be, your personal Sledgehammer…”
    • Young Henry considers YouTube: “I would like some… Foxy Lady. I would like… more Garth.”
    • After hearing LMFAO’s “Party Anthem,” Finn compulsively claws at his ear: “Get it out!!”
  • El Baño:
    • “Maybe we could come to Guatemala with you, Dad-O,” notes Finn, “but I don’t want the kids to sit on my lap & pee on me.”
    • “Adios, poop!” waves a cheerful Finn. “See ya later when the toilet backs up!”
    • Margot says I’m “guilty as charged.””Yeah,” says Finn, “you’re guilty ASS-charged!!”(“Guilty ass-poop,” adds Henry.)
    • “I’m having a massive poop, Dad-O,” announces wee Henry. “It’s gonna *scare* me!!” (He claims it has arms & legs to hunt him down.)
    • Henry emerges from the basement & finds Mom-O upstairs: “I heard the potty stop so I came up.”
      M: “You’re a smart boy, Hen.”
      H: “Yes I am!”Modest, too. 🙂
    • “Sorry for party rocking, Dad-O,” Henry tells me.
      “Sorry for potty rocking,” corrects Finn.
Babyslang Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms (Finn Vol. 3)

  • Music:
    • We’re in the car, hipping Finn to Johnny Cash: “‘Don’t take your guts to town’? But we have to: they’re in our tummies!”
    • “Strawberry bushes forever!” sings Finn, listening to the Beatles. He chuckles & shakes his head: “Johnny Cash…!”
    • Finn applies a pliers to his Pirate’s Booty snack: “I’m Dr. Bootycrusher!!” (Future R&B alter ego, maybe?)
  • Patience:
    • Our poor amigo is feeling neglected: “Would you like your iPad taken by bad dudes?” he asks me. “Uh, no… Would *you* like them to take it?” I ask. “Yes!!”
    • At Target Finn points at Mom-O’s shopping list: “I think right here it says ‘Duh-un,DONE!'”
    • Rebuffed by Margot at the park, Finn tells us, “Well, I’m not gonna deal with a person who doesn’t ride the roller coaster!”
  • Areas of expertise:
    • “The idea,” Finn’s advising Margot, “is don’t eat a massive burrito and then go on a bunch of rides; otherwise you’ll puke like Uncle Ted.”
    • “Blood is in the whole body,” Dr. Finn tells his little bro, “except the crotch & butt-crotch.”
  • A smirking Finn sneaks up behind me as I try to work from home: “I see you’ve found a pleasant hiding spot…”
  • Morning news: “Dad-O, I dreamed I cooked an egg under a fruit bar wrapper, and Henry took it, and then he gave me a smack in the butt!”
  • “I want a huge bag of ear gunk!” Finn declares, eyeing a Costco bag of Cheeze-Its. Draw your own conclusions.
  • Bambinos:
    • “Dad-O, does Alethea have two babies in her tummy?” “Nope, just one.” “Then why does she have two boobs?” Aaand, cue that conversation.
    • “Baby Tegan can’t talk,” reports Finn, “but she can shriek. Her shrieking-sound is like a chicken–a bizarre chicken!!”
  • “So Finny, how was your Thomas video?” “Good. The diesels gave Thomas a wedgie, even though steamies don’t wear underpants.”
Babyslang Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms (Henry Vol. 3)

At risk of burning you out on these things, here are a few more Henry-isms gathered over the last several months:

  • As we listen on speakerphone, the conference call system says, “Press the pound key.” “Press the palm tree!” grins Henry. “Robot lady said it!”
  • “You crushed me, Dad-O,” says poor Hen, clutching the paw I grazed. “Could you not crush me, Dad-O?”
  • Ear nose & throat:
    • On the way to Tahoe, high altitude is messing with Henry’s head: “I need new ears, Dad-O! Take off these ones!”
    • Henry points to his nose: “This a tree. Bird in it.” Draws mom’s finger to his nostril: “Mom-O get out the bird.”
  • Vehicles:
    • “There’s Boeing Constrictor, Dad-O,” notes little Henry. “That’s not an A320.” My boy!
    • As I playfully ram my head into Henry’s back, he shakes his head: “You’re not a tramp steamer, Dad-O.”
    • “I’m a scooper truck” reports Henry, tapping his butt. “I have metal here–in my cheeks.”
  • G-Man considers YouTube: “I would like some… Foxy Lady. I would like… more Garth.”
  • No more tears:
    • Little Henry rubs his eyes, claims not to be crying: “I’m just movin’ my eyeball.”
    • Me: “Did you have a nice day, Henry?” H: “Yeah. I was shrieking.” Me: “You were shrieking?” H: “Yeah. CoCo says, ‘No shrieking.'” Wise lady.
Babyslang Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms (Finn Vol. 2)

Good times over the last few months with the big guy:
  • Mondegreens:
    • Finn eyes a raspberry. “Is it part of a bear?” “A bear? Er, no–‘berry,’ not ‘bear.'” “But is it buried??” (Verbatim, I swear.)
    • Sushi restaurant Finnyisms: “I see a Possum-lady fan.” [oscillating fan] “I’d like a Spider-Man roll.”
    • Parmesan cheese -> “Farmer John cheese.”
    • “I’m a robin, Dad-O.” “Oh, you’re a bird?” “No, we’re bad dudes, robbin’ you!!”
    • I explained minivans to Finn. “You mean like a mouse van?” he asked. It took me a while to make the “Minnie” Mouse connection!
    • “Dad-O, if a we had a monkey who liked chips, he’d be a chip-monk!” Right on, little guy.
  • Transportation:
    • “What is ‘U-tah?'” asks Finn. “Is it a big truck you can rent?”
    • Margot: “…but it’s a freeway, so…” Finn: “What’s a ‘Butt Freeway’??” Ah, he’ll be so let down. (Me too, kinda.)
  • Language:
    • “After the bizarre poodle incident,” Finn tells me in bed, “the results were usually disastrous.” (Your guess is as good as mine!)
    • “Bizarre”: Great word to teach a kid, or GREATEST word? “I’m a bizarre chicken, Dad-O! And you’re a bizarre Dad-O!”
Babyslang Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms (Henry Vol. 2)

We keep collecting random Micronaxx bits via Twitter, and I realize I haven’t shared any in months. Here, then, is a sample set from the G-Man:

  • On Being Dr. No:
    • Henry’s taken to disagreeing with everything, to the point CoCo calls him “Mr. NoNo.”  “I’m not Mr. NoNo!” he insists.  (See?)
    • Hen contradicts everyone–even the Beatles:
      • John Lennon: “Nothing is real..”
      • Henry Nack: “It is real! (What’s the strawberry dude singing about?”)
    • “You’re a nice little boy, Henry,” says Margot. “I’m not a little boy,” he replies, “I’m a small man!”
    • Turns out 2-year-olds don’t really “get” rhetorical questions. “Want to get dressed or just fight me all day?” I ask Henry. “Fight you all day!”
  • Treats:
    • “This is my snack,” announces Henry, brandishing his wet finger. “May you eat this snack, Dad-O?”
    • Having been told we have options for dinner, Henry emerges from the pantry holding up Mac & Cheese: “I would like to eat these options!”
    • The other day we were watching WALL-E with the lads. WALL-E cuts open an old fridge. “It has cheesy milk in it?” asks Henry.
    • Our pizza-loving kids? “Crustifarians.”
  • El Baño:
    • Spanish immersion is paying off: Henry announced this morning, “I did mucho pee-pee at preschool!”
    • Henry denies needing a new diaper. Me: “You’ve got something brown.” H: “It’s not brown!” Me: “What color is it?” H: (pause) “It’s not green..!”
    • “I’m not peeing on your leg,” announces Henry. “I peed on the rug last night… It was awesome!*”

*I learned later that Margot had responded to the peeing with a sarcastic, “Oh, that’s awesome.”

Babyslang Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms (Henry edition)

Not to be left out, G-Man’s contributed some fun bits lately:

  • Language:
    • Henry has taken to answering yes-or-no questions (e.g. “Do you want a snack, yes or no?”) with “Yes or no!”
    • Unfamiliar with shorts, Henry tugs desperately at his hems: “Close down… my pants!!”
    • Henry greeted me rubbing his face: “Seagull… broke my eyeball.” And later: “I’m a goofy ball!” (meaning goofball).
    • “Dad-O may you sit with you, Dad-O?” asks Henry. Quasi-palindromes from a tiny man.
    • A toddler + the word “actually” = A parent-correcting bonanza. (“Watch out for the car, Henry,” I say. “*Jeep*, actually,” he replies.)
  • Henry munches a brown M&M, eyeing the bag’s wooden shelf: “How bout… orange one? Cut it down… from the tree!”  (We’ve consequently dubbed the shelf “The Tree.”)
  • As I’m changing Henry’s diaper, he grabs my passport, shoves it between his toes, and says, “Readin’ the Dad-O book!”
  • Henry sees me shirtless post-workout & runs screaming “No, no!” He later asks, “Dad-O go to Pilates?” Dang, boy, I can take a hint…
  • Apple might describe the little guy’s slap-footed form of locomotion as “I Pad, Shuffle.”
Babyslang Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms (Finn edition)

We enjoy using Twitter to capture fun little bits involving the boys. We used to put tweets alongside the blog, but a few months ago we hit a technical glitch I haven’t been able to resolve. Therefore I thought I’d pull together some good recent bits from the Finnster (Henry to follow!).

  • Meat-loving Finn, learning of Dirt Devil vacuums, reports, “I’m a Bacon Devil! I like to suck up bacon!!”
  • I taught Finn about deodorant this morning. “Is it Dennis the Mennen?” he asks.
  • Safety First: From his Cozy Coupe Finn announces, “I’m locking the door so no bad dudes named Henry get in!”
  • Food:
    • Finn’s turned “Edna St. Vincent Millay” into “Edna Wasabi Sushi Magoo.” #poetaster
    • Beyonce perplexes Finn: “What are ‘Almond Single Ladies?'”
    • Came across Finn dropping yellow & black sawhorse beams into toilet paper tubes. “I’m making a good soup of bananas & chocolate” he reports.
    • We’ve somehow made a 3-year-old who loves, and asks for, “artisanal bread.” Oh my.
  • Baseball:
    • We’re at the SJ Giants game (Finn’s first ballgame!). “Are they part of They Might Be Giants?” he asks.
    • A ballgame stunt involved chipping golf balls into a kiddie pool. Relaying this to Mom later Finn said “They were using a cat pool!” (“kiddie”->”kitty”)
  • “I’m drawing you an American Eagle,” Finn reports. “Is the ‘FUselage’ where the FUel goes?” (Yes, my proto-plane nerd, yes!)
  • Baño:
    • Finn, with a fistful of pull-up, says, “Stay down, regular pants: I’ll pull you up in a minute.”
    • He’s started using the epithet “You *shy bladder*!” to yell at things. (I’m already saving for therapy.)
    • “This is a broken-down BMW,” announces Finn, disassembling a toy car. “Now it’s a BM!!”
    • “Someone’s strummin’ on the old baño!” announces Finn. Fiddle-ee-i-oh!
  • Casually filling a garbage bag with his belongings, Finn announces, “I like living in boxcars. I’m a hobo!”
  • As Finn tucked my iPhone under his blanket tonight, I heard him whisper, “Shh, I love you…