Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: Slingin’ the Slang

  • Rookie dad-move: Acknowledging a bad word heard on the radio. Immediate aftermath: “Hey Finn, let’s chant ‘Badass.’ BadASS, BadASS…!!”
  • Finn’s decorated our street-facing window with math equations—in Spanish! So proud.
    He’s also added the word “mofo.” So, ehhh…
  • Finn appeared by our bed this AM with a clipboard, marker, & inexplicable Freud accent. “Do you vant your day to start vith ‘no’ or ‘yes?’”
  • Finn cocks his head in curiosity at saline sinus spray. “I would call this ‘Nose Champagne.’”
  • Finn introduces his new red lion to my childhood Red Kitty: “It’s your brother from another mother!”
  • “Dad-O, what about ‘ridunkulous’?” asks Finn. “It’s more ridiculous than ‘ridonkulous!'”
  • Asia intrigues Finn: “Those planets have a lot of ‘knees.’ Japa-knees, Chi-knees… And Germany has only one ‘knee.’”
  • “Dad-O, you shouldn’t draw graffiti on things,” admonishes Henry. “That’s called ‘fertilizing.'” (Er, “vandalizing,” son. :-))
  • Our friends’ 2-year-old calls fish “glub glubs.” Finn’s intrigued: “Does he call sharks ‘killer glub glubs?’”
  • At 7:38am Margot is teaching the boys the proper use of the term “buzzkill.” I love my family. 🙂
  • Finn: “Why is it ‘pee’ and ‘pull’—’people’?”
    Henry: “Yeah, what do people pull?”
    Finn: “Your leg!”
Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: Nacksnaxx

  • I catch Henry holding his sandwich over the warm vent. “I’m making a grilled cheese,” he explains.
  • “Dad-O, I’m giving you an example,” says Henry. “Like when you walk by the food court & they give you a chicken example.”
  • I’m trying to explain Easter being a “movable feast” when Finn breaks in: “Yeah yeah, a movable candy feast, I get it.”
  • After listening to a war photographer, Henry tells his sock monkey, “Bruce ate a BBQ monkey leg—but don’t worry, it wasn’t your family.”
  • Finnster, emerging from raiding the snack cabinet: “Look, Dad-O, I’ve got a Finny-positive chocolate chip Z Bar!”
  • I told the boys about KitTea, a (real) proposed tea house full of gatos. “No, Dad-O!” said Henry. “We don’t want to eat cats!!”
  • The boys have set up a lemonade stand out front to sell homemade “puke” for $3. (“I can’t believe no one is buying our puke!!”)
  • “Mom-O, you know what’s fun about your dad?” asks Finn. “He’s fun to be around, and he makes SUPER delicious buttered popcorn!”
  • “We get to eat the pot tonight!” a preschooler just told me. Er, that’s potLUCK, son.
Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: Anger Management

  • “Make me breakfast or I’ll smash your crotch off!!” MAN do tantrums suck, but they can produce some unintended comedy.
  • “Dad-O,” announces Finn, “if you don’t give me more sushi, I’m gonna gun you down!” Aaaand, maybe less NPR listening for somebody.
  • “This is as high as I go,” yells a flustered Finn from play equipment, “and I don’t wanna fall, so I don’t need to catch a bunch of crap!!”
  • After a contentious morning Finn started poking my arm. “I’m pushing your buttons!!” And how!
  • Margot to Finn: “You’re disrespectful.”
    F: “You’re disrespectable!”
  • Bareheaded Henry glowers at me: “Hmmph! I’ll just use my frown as a hat!!”
  • A morose Finn sulks out of his room, post-timeout, carrying a homemade banner: “FINNEGAN SUCS.” Ay, dios mío…!
Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: Music edition

Man, I’ve been totally neglecting this category, so let me set about fixing that. Today’s edition: Music.

  • “Dad-O,” asks radio-listening Henry, “are ‘musicians’ real? And do they really pull rabbits out of hats?”
  • Henry: “Dad-O, what is ‘heavy metal?'”
    Me: “Oh, stuff like ‘Breaking The Law’ & ‘TNT.'”
    H.: “Oh! Heavy metal is good for me!!”
  • Listening to Lorde’s “Teams,” 4yo Henry says, “She actually takes her hands off & throws them up in the air!” (I’d be kinda over that, too.)
  • From the back seat this morning: “Dad-O, could a baby duck fit into a can of beer?” I guess the Pixies bring the weird out of Henry. #age4
  • 80’s rocker nomenclature baffles young Henry.
    “I guess he must love watermelons.”
    “John Cougar Watermeloncamp.”
  • Henry, singing: “We built this city…”
    Me, chuckling: “What would Mom-O say if she heard you?”
    Henry: “G__DAMN it!!”
    (M.: “He’s not wrong.”)
  • “The Rolling Stones?” Henry’s intrigued. “Do they sing quarry music?” Rock on, little man.
  • Upon hearing Neil young’s Harvest Moon, Henry says “I think this is an old prospector making train track music.”
  • I hear crooner Finn mashing up José Feliciano & Joy Division’s “Love Will Tear Us Apart”: “Feliz Navidad, aaa-gain…”
  • I make the mistake of turning on KFOX in the car. From the back seat the boys immediately yell, “What Does KFOX Say?? Nya nya nyah nyah…!”
  • My reciting of Public Enemy lyrics leaves Finn shaking his head. “I’m a white man, and I’m not familiar with anything Dad-O says!!”
Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: Micronaxx Feasts

  • Finn’s stuffed, but he swears he’ll find room for a donut: “My tummy has a garbage truck crusher-blade in it!”
  • “Dad-O, when we grow up, we’re only going to eat pasta, bacon, and Nutella!” I’m way ahead of you, boys—way ahead! #livingthedream
  • I guess we can forget about the boys getting that big Crest endorsement deal: “This tastes like being electrocuted!!”
  • Henry eyes a giant tank of horchata (super sugary rice milk), then presents me with a batting helmet: “Fill this up with it!” Best/worst idea ever.
  • “Krispies are for closers!!” — me, trying to bribe the boys into finishing their sandwiches
  • Finn befouls our sheets with crumbs, sucks them up: “I’m a street sweeper!” First time I’ve kicked someone out of bed for eating crackers.
  • We call our food-distended tummies “food babies.” Henry pats his: “I’ve got a whole food preschool in mine!”
  • “You’ve gotta lay off that Coke, Dad-O,” Finn informs me. “You’re gonna end up allergic to water!”
  • “I’m not making a mess,” explains Henry, sprinkling Oat Squares on the carpet. “I’m making dinner for the ghost in the basement.”
Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: Microtunes Edition

  • Mischievous Henry starts edging out of the crosswalk: “Dad-O, I’m ‘Break-in’-the-laaaaw, break-in’-the-laaaaw!!'” (Judas Priest, Age 4. :-))
  • The Barenaked Ladies come on the radio. “This is a dork singing!” declares Henry.
  • “I don’t think these guys are Talking Heads, Dad-O,” says Finn. “I think they’re just Talking Scalps.”
  • Finn: “Why are they called ‘U2’?”
    Me: “Well, I dunno. The U2 was a cool airplane…”
    Finn: “Was Bono homeless & did he sleep in the airplane?”
  • Listening to “Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing” with the boys. “Why did the baby do that, Dad-O? Why is he so naughty?”
  • Finn’s singing Styx’s “Renegade”: “The meter maid, who had it made…” #misheardlyrics
  • The lads are listening to The Clash:
    Finn: “Henry, the casbah is a desert castle, and the jet fighters rock it with bullets.”
    Henry: “Yeah, from their lungs!”
  • Finn’s relating to “I Shot The Sheriff”: “It’s like when Jacobo attacks me at school & I kick him in the face. That’s self-defense for me!”
  • On an airplane: “Dad-O, I thought I saw Johnny Cash out on the wing,” reports Finn, “but it was just the winglet.”
  • Listening to the boys’ a cappella duet of “Crazy Train” as they play Lego trains, I feel kinda great about my parenting. 🙂
  • Finn’s morning musical request: “How about the banana song by Barry Elefante?”
  • Blasting “Sledgehammer” while your 3yo jumps around, “dancing” & randomly hammering things, is a terrific morning kickoff.
  • The boys keep donning underwear outside their regular clothes. I explain that’s only for crazy old ladies, like Madonna.
  • The boys have renamed themselves “Lynyrd Skynyrd” & “Billy Idol.” In related news, I really need to expose them to better music!
Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: The Return!

Boy, it’s been ages since I updated this category. Without further ado, here’s the first of several installments of the lads’ sayings from the last year (!) or so.

  • Animals:
    • “Dad-O, I’m a new superhero called Bat Saber—like a bat lightsaber! He crushes old people who don’t like bats!” (Henry adds, “Yeah, and I’m Rain Man!!” #VerySpecialPowers)
    • “Dad-O, do pirates sometimes have to get blasted by otters?” Um, otters? Took me a while to realize he meant SEALs (specifically, Navy ones).
    • “Dad-O, those cats want to fill up our sandbox with poop,” says Finn, “which I call ‘butt presents.'”
    • I dreamt that our boys—like bats—navigate by echolocation. They were ceaselessly repeating “Mom-O, Dad-O! Mom-O, Dad-O! Mom-O, Dad-O!”
    • I let the boys watch nature videos unattended on YouTube this morning. It’s all fun ’til a croc bites off an antelope’s hoof!
  • Legos
    • Finn describes his birthday wish: “Well, it’s a really expensive Lego set for teenagers…” He tells me that to save up, “stop buying food”!
    • In the fall Lego time spontaneously turned political: “Dad-O, this is Obama. ‘Come here, Romney, gimme your butt cheeks to kick!'” (Unprompted!)
    • I offer Henry some Lego-ing help. “No, I can do it,” he says. “It’s a little be complicated for dads, but not for kids.” (Maybe true!)
    • “Dad-O, this is my Lego chase truck. It was chasing a bird, which turned out to be Henry’s hand, which made off with a Lego sailor hat…”
    • “The hand-bird was carrying the hat on its thumb.” Good to know!
Babyslang Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: The United Steaks of Apostles

  • Food:
    • “Dad-O, I wish we lived in the United Steaks,” declares Finn. “Leo & I just *looove* meat!”
    • “Dad-O, I don’t like McDonald’s pickles.”
      “But you like other pickles, right?”
      “Yeah, but McDonald’s pickles are made in China.”
    • Margot: (squeezing Henry’s toes) “This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home.”
      Henry: “No he didn’t!”
      Margot: “He didn’t? What did he do?”
      Henry: “He went to Mojo Burger! And this one went to the pizza place!”
  • Hair:
    • “My hair got in my eyes, Dad-O,” reported shaggy Finn, “but I just put Leo on my head [he demonstrates]. He’s my hair clip!”
    • Finn, trying to stall bedtime: “Dad-O, here’s a deal: go cut off your whiskers & do your homework, then come back and cuddle with me.”
  • Science:
    • Halloween fun with the tots: Margot: “What if grandma & grandpa were ghosts?” Henry: “Nooo! They have to be humans! (Silly Mom-O.)”
    • Morning science questions: Finn: “Dad-O, why is Santa octurnal?”
      Henry: “Yeah, like bats & owls & apostles?”
Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms Music Edition: “Police Navidad” & More

  • G-Man:
    • “‘Steely Dan?'” Henry’s incredulous. “What do they steal?”
      Me: “No, ‘steel,’ like metal.”
      H: “Why do they steal metal??”
    • Hen, on hearing some hip hop: “Rap music?! Turn that off!!” He then cries ’til we give in & turn on Johnny Cash.
    • Henry is mashing up “Peanuts” with Peter Gabriel. “Shock the Lucy to-night!” he sings.
    • Henry’s midday requests: Some soup, Dave Brubeck, and a nap. #MyBoy
    • Henry asks me to explain a Taylor Swift breakup song.
      Me: “You’ll understand when you’re older.”
      H: “Maybe I won’t want to understand…”
  • Finnster:
    • “I can easily make this girl’s voice with my body,” says Finn of Ellie Goulding. “I can’t make that Axl Rose stuff, though.”
    • From deep within a pile of Lego forest police loot, Finn’s begun to sing: “Police Navidad!”
    • Finn’s singing his bizarre version of Rudolph: “…You might even say it blows!” (He calls the character “The Ol’ ‘Dolph.)
    • “Dad-O, when i grow up I want to be a policeman who acts like a ninja,” Finn tells me, “but not a bad cop like that Sheriff John Brown.” [from I Shot The Sheriff]
    • I hear Finn singing: “‘…so call me maybe.’ Oh Dad-O, that song gets stuck in my head! I sing it at preschool, I sing it everywhere!!
  • The boys on “Dirty Deeds”: “AC/DC sound like pirates!” Of the Ramones’ “Sheena”: “These guys are old warriors! They’re berserkers!”
  • I imagine our always-underfoot kids singing like the Scorpions’ “Rock You Like A Hurricane”: “HERE I am!! (bom, bomp) FORM a human bar-i-cade!!”
  • The boys are becoming a bit “pants-optional.” I now sing to them some modified Beatles: “Hey! You’ve Got To Hide Your Butt Away.”
Babyslang Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: The Verbal & The Physical

  • Language:
    • “Dad-O, why is ‘Leonard’ part ‘nerd’?” asks Finn.”
      Yeah,” adds Henry, “and is ‘Peter’ made of poop? ‘Pee-turd!'”
    • “Ah-froot-erzayn, Dad-O,” Henry tells me. “That’s how fruit says Auf Wiedersehen.”
    • Finn: “What’s the English word for guacamole?”
      Margot: “Guacamole.”
      Finn: “What’s the Spanish word, then?”
      Margot: “Guacamole.”
      This is blowing his mind. 🙂
    • Finn explained family slang to his teacher today: “My dad calls me ‘sucka,’ and I enjoy it!”
    • “‘Damn,'” says Henry, quoting his mom, then explains: “She’s talking about a little wall that holds back water.”
    • Henry: “Dad-O, let’s give that road a hit!”
      Me: “…?”
      Finn, translating: “He means ‘Let’s hit the road!'”
  • The human bod:
    • I’m not sure the boys drew the right lessons from “The Little Engine That Could.” “Dad-O, we’ll grab those mean engines & pee in their funnels!”
    • Henry spies me from the bathroom, his eyes twinkling: “I’m gonna use my large intestine!” Thanks for sharing, buddy :-P!
    • We got an eyeful of elephant anatomy at the Oakland Zoo. “That guy must have a *really* big large intestine!” observes Henry.
    • Finn’s resisting independence: “I’m not gonna poop by myself at kindergarten, or in high school, or even in *college*!”
    • “I’m pretty sure I popped out of Mom-O as a 3-year-old,” says Finn, “’cause I don’t remember being a 1- or 2-year-old.”
Babyslang Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: Sewage plants, buttcheeks, and fuhgeddaboudit

  • “Dad-O,” says Finn out of the blue, “I think New Yorkers speak a language called ‘New.'” Cue discussion of ‘fuhgeddaboudit,’ ‘badabing,’ etc.
  • “Dad-O,” whispers an excitedly conspiratorial Finn, “when it’s just boys around, let’s say ‘buttcheeks,’—just not when Mom-O’s here.” (“Yeah, buttcheeks!!” adds Henry.)
  • Half asleep on his feet, Henry uses the bathroom & says “Auf Wiedersehen, pee pee.” Endlessly surprising, these guys…
  • “Dad-O, why is it a sewage treatment ‘plant’?” asks Finn. I explain that auto plants make autos, etc. “Oh,” he says, “so the sewage plant makes poop!” 
  • Homophonic fun with the big guy: “‘Dye’? Does it go into your clothes and make the grayness, like, die off?” Well yeah, kinda!
  • Finn claims the sitter let them watch “Pee-pee-est Kids.” Took me a sec to decode: ah, “PBS Kids”!
Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: Finnspañol & More

  • Español:
    • Breathless Finn runs in sounding like he’s cracked the secret to cold fusion: “Dad-O, there’s even a Spanish word for ‘Spanish’! It’s ‘Spañol!”
    • “El cerdo!” says Finn out of the blue.
      “Yeah, and what’s el cerdo?” I ask.
      “A pig who speaks Spanish!”
    • Finn wonders about our friend’s “Ram jeep.” “What’s a ‘Durango’? Maybe it means ‘ram’ in Spanish.”
  • Gluteus Minimus:
    • Lego time spontaneously turns political: “Dad-O, this is Obama. ‘Come here, Romney, gimme your butt cheeks to kick!'” (Unprompted by me!)
    • “Dad-O, what was that shadow?” asks Henry. “Well, was it itching its butt?” asks Finn. “‘Cause then it was me.”
    • “Henry!!” yells Finn. “If you don’t stop that, I’ll kick your butt! [pause] Dad-O, kick his butt!!” (I’m just hired muscle.)
  • Questionable parenting:
    • I probably shouldn’t have told Finn to “get out of my junk.” He now lowers his head & runs yelling, “I’m aiming for your *junk*!!”
    • I confront stick-wielding Finn: “Were you aiming for my head??” “No,” he says sheepishly. “I was aiming for your crotch.” (That’s not better!)
Babyslang Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: Decapitation, Allergies, & NASA’s Poop

  • Li’l gasbag Henry is making excuses: “I have allergies, Dad-O. That’s why I keep farting on you.”
  • Vehicular:
    • I attempt to explain mid-engine vs. rear-engine cars to Finn. Eyeing a Porsche 911 he says, “So, it’s got room for kids??” Don’t get your hopes up, lad!
    • I’m trying to convince Henry that the big red-brown thing the Shuttle drops (its external fuel tank) is not, in fact, a turd. (Seems he’s not buying it.)
    • Our impatient boys are miffed: “Dad-O, preschool never teaches us how to drive real cars!!” I say there’s time. “But when–kindergarten!?”
  • The 400 Blows:
    • Pool-nudist Finn doesn’t appreciate my playful swatting. “Hey, this isn’t a butt-cheek fiesta!” he scolds.
    • “Dad-O, can we play?” asks Finn, contemplating a toy hammer. Then he smiles: “Could we maybe decapitate Henry?”
  • “We’re Irishmen,” the boys announce out of the blue, “named Gerry & Mike.” Er, okay… #GoIrish!
Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: Assorted Silliness

  • Music:
    • Remarking on a hyperactive playmate, Finn observes, “Man, that kid has a lot of energy. He’s like Freddy Mercury!”
    • Finn’s Irish heritage is coming in handy: His Chris Cornell impression sounds *just* like a banshee.
    • Finn, having recently listened to Paul Simon, explained his pile of stuffed animals: “I’m making them my bodyguards & pals.” (And yes, he’s now calling me Betty, and I call him Al.)
    • Best sartorial compliment ever, courtesy of Finn: “Your black suit looks cool, Dad-O. You look like Johnny Cash!”
  • Brotherly love:
    • Finn wheels around on his too-close little bro: “Jeez, Henry, it’s not ‘Follow Finny Day!'” (Henry, giggling: “Yes it is!”)
    • “Feliz POOPleañons, Goonie!” says Finn. (“It’s años made of poop,” he helpfully notes.)
  • Baños:
    • Our potty trainee gets legalistic:
      H: “I want an M&M for pooping.”
      M: “Well, you didn’t actually poop.”
      H: “Well I *farted*!” #partialCredit
    • Finn, beaming, returns from the baño: “I really taught that pee-cake a lesson! It’ll have to ask its pee-cake parents for dry clothes!”
  • Finn leads me gently through the campground. “I thought,” he says, “we’d sit & have a little chat about silliness…”
Babyslang Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: Chow Hounds

  • Sugar highs:
    • The boys wake up, bouncing around.
      Finn: “We need donuts to be little champs!!”
      Henry: “Yeah, I don’t have ENERGY. I’m a lazy BONE!!”
    • Finn emerges from his nap, whispering: “Remember our plan? [sings quietly] ‘Sugar in the mornin’, sugar in the evenin’, sugar at suppertime!'”
  • My workout terminology intrigues Finn. “‘Flat flies’? Sounds like you’re making fly pancakes.”
  • Henry turns to me: “Dad-O, I’m a pickle.”
    Me: “A… what?
    H: “Yeah: I’m picking my boogies.”
  • Pretzel power:
    • Southwest Airlines must season their pretzels with “bath salts,” given Finn’s reaction. “Aaagh, I want to suck your arm hair!!” (I suggest that he enjoy his own. “But I just have peach fuzz!!” he protests.)
    • I hear the boys singing in the kitchen: “Auntie Laura’s pretzels bring all the boys to the yard/That’s right, they’re better than yours…”
  • Proud Moments In Fatherhood: 4yo nudist streaks past brandishing a beef jerky stick while chanting, “Bang me in the head with a meat stick!”
Babyslang Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: From Crookdegarten to Schwarzenegger

  • Terminology:
    • “Dad-O, do kid crooks go to kindergarten?” asks Finn. “Yeah,” says Henry, “it’s called ‘Crookdegarten!'”
    • Finn’s telling Margot about “the South”: “It’s hillbillies driving in circles all day. They call it ‘NICECAR.'” (I’ve taught him well.)
    • “Mom-O, we’re not getting you any cake for Mother’s Day,” says Finn, “just some sand & a bag of guff!” (“Is guff Gummi?” asks Henry.)
    • Finn’s increasingly fascinated by Schwarzenegger. “Do *ost*riches also come from *Aust*ria?”
    • “Look at that plane pulling a frog book!” Henry says, seeing a plane towing a Geico gecko banner.
  • Aviary:
    • Finn on nature this AM: “Dad-O, I hear birds tweeting! I think they’re using Twitter! (Can you tweet that?)” Love the monster we’ve made 🙂
    • Finn & I are exploring nature.
      Me: “Hear those birds tweeting, bud?”
      Finn: “Yeah–I think they have tiny iPads.”
  • Exercise:
    • “Do more sets, Dad-O!!” insists my 4yo weight trainer. “You’re doing that resting thing where your heart gets all small!”
    • Nudist Finn is attempting to “skate” across our room on Perfect Push-Ups, all while singing Rocky’s theme. “Getting *strong* nooow…” That’s my boy!
    • Finn swings by, bends over, and kisses my chest. “I’m giving you a peck on the pec!” he explains.
Babyslang Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: Dinner & A Movie

  • Food:
    • I taught the boys a bit about Teddy Roosevelt.
      “‘Speak softly…'” whispers Finn.
      “Yeah,” says Henry, “‘…and carry a big snack!'”
    • Finn’s growing antsy after dinner out. “I wanna do that dash-and-dine technique!”
    • After the dentist we went to Wienerschnitzel for what Finn dubs “emergency corn dogs.”
    • Finn’s skeptical that Leo could’ve been bathed/dried so fast. (Margot had swapped Leos.) “I guess Mom-O must’ve put him in the panini press…”
  • Cinema:
    • The boys hear movie quotes on NPR.
      Finn to Henry: “You can’t handle the truth!”
      Henry, indignant: “I can handle the truth!!”
    • Finn holds his filthy lion blankie to his nose, huffing deeply. “He’s a 4yo Dennis Hopper,” says his proud mom.
    • Naked Finn channels Daniel Day-Lewis: “If you’ve got a fruit bar, & I’ve got a fruit bar, I stretch acroooooss the room… I. Eat. Your. Fruit bar!!”
  • Star Wars:
    • Henry puts his bib over his face. “Now I’m Darth Vader!” Then he spins it around back to make his cape.
    • “‘Benefits?'” asks an incredulous Finn, listening to NPR. “It’s actually Boba Fetts!”
Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: Music Edition

  • Classic Rock:
    • “Dad-O, I think Van Halen lives in a Led Zeppelin!”
    • “Henry and I are Steppenwolfs. We’re steppin’ all over!”
  • Paul Simon:
    • Finn explains his pile of stuffed animals: “I’m making them my bodyguards & pals.” (And yes, he’s now calling me Betty, and I call him Al.)
    • “Dad-O, I love that Paul Simon song, ‘Diii-nos on a skateboard, Diii-nos on a skateboard, With nothing to lose.'” (He’s singing “Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes.”)
  • Johnny Cash:
    • I hear Finn singing Johnny Cash to his Legos: “I shot a man named Guido, Just to watch him die…”
    • What’s a terrific 7am wake-up? A yellow lion blankie poking its head around our doorway & growl-singing “Folsom Prison Blues.” (“RAwr! I hear that train a-comin’…”)
    • Our sugar-addled boys are tearing around the hardware store’s garden section yelling “My name is SUE, how do you DO?? Now you gonna DIE!!
    • Finn’s loving Johnny Cash: “I’m building a car out of ice cream in my tummy, One Piece At A Time! (Can you tweet that?)”
    • I tried hipping the boys to OutKast’s frenetic song “Hey Ya.” Finn: “These guys are berserkers!” Henry: “Yeah, give us Johnny Cash!”
Babyslang Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: Literal Deliciousness

  • Food & Drink:
    • Finn wakes me up: “Dad-O, for breakfast I’d like a hobo sandwich.”
      “A… what?,” I ask.
      “Yeah,” he says, “it’s lettuce, hobo, cheese, and broccoli. Let’s go to the train yard!”
    • “Trees have nests for birds & squirrels,” Henry notes.
      “Yeah,” adds Finn, “and cupboards have nests of dishes.”
    • “Dad-O, a sucker would be delicious for Leo,” Finn opines. “It’d blow his mind–and his mind is made of meat!!”
    • Finn overhears me saying that in German housing there was “no bubble.” He’s incredulous: “The Germans don’t have agua??”
    • Finn’s skeptical that Leo could’ve been bathed/dried so fast. (Margot swapped Leos.) “I guess Mom-O must’ve put him in the panini press…”
  • Gettin’ Literal:
    • “A ten-story building?” asks a quizzical Finn. “Somebody must’ve stacked up a lot of books!”
    • Henry: “Dad-O, I dreamed about airplanes! They were flying.”
      Me: “Cool! And what were you doing during the dream?”
      Henry: “Sleeping.”
    • “Dad-O,” asks Finn, “can you get your blog out off your computer and put it onto your head?” (Interesting visual…)
Babyslang Transient Witticisms

Transient Witticisms: Legos, Run-DMC, & Robber Seagulls

  • Legos:
    • “Come on,” says Finn, drawing me towards our living room Lego zone. “Come see our Duplofications!”
    • One of our pieces snapped. “Honestly, Mom-O,” says Finn, shaking his head, “I… I’m just not going to happy up about that broken Lego.”
    • At bedtime: “Dad-O, my body is just hopping around saying, ‘I can’t wait to play with those Legos!!’ But I said, ‘Tummy, you can play with them mañana!”
    • Finn’s threatening his Lego guys: “I’ll throw you in the dungeon with Elton John & Flava Flav!” (Don’t ever let your kids watch TV.)
  • Music:
    • Run-DMC’s “It’s Tricky” comes on. “I know there’s Jam-Master Jay in there somewhere!” announces Finn.
    • Finn channels Florence & The Machine to request help with his burger: “Rip it up rip it up, Rip it up rip it up, whoOOOoah!”
    • Hearing “Sympathy for the Devil,” Finn observes, “I hear a bunch of hoo-ing.” We agree it’s sung by a team of [scrawny, coked-up] owls.
    • I’m trying some Chili Peppers “Aeroplane” on the boys. “This makes my mind blow away!” says Hen.
    • Henry’s confused by the song “Indian Outlaw.” “His baby is a Chippewa? Actually a baby is a fetus.”
  • Of birds & names:
    • I kinda wish All Things Considered were hosted, as Finn believes it is, by “Robber Seagull.”
    • I dreamt our boys hung out with Jason Segel (who, full grown, claimed to be two and a half). Finn’s incredulous: “Jason Seagull??”
    • “Dad-O, why is it called Twitter?”
      “Well, it sounds kinda like birds tweeting.”
      “Oh, so it’s called ‘blah blah.'” (Verbatim, I swear!)