Author: The Nack Daddy

• Rookie dad-move: Acknowledging a bad word heard on the radio. Immediate aftermath: “Hey Finn, let’s chant ‘Badass.’ BadASS, BadASS…!!”
• Finn’s decorated our street-facing window with math equations—in Spanish! So proud.
  He’s also added the word “mofo.” So, ehhh…
• Finn appeared by our bed this AM with a clipboard, marker, & inexplicable Freud accent. “Do you vant your day to start vith ‘no’ or ‘yes?’”
• Finn cocks his head in curiosity at saline sinus spray. “I would call this ‘Nose Champagne.’”
• Finn introduces his new red lion to my childhood Red Kitty: “It’s your brother from another mother!”
• “Dad-O, what about ‘ridunkulous’?” asks Finn. “It’s more ridiculous than ‘ridonkulous!'”
• Asia intrigues Finn: “Those planets have a lot of ‘knees.’ Japa-knees, Chi-knees… And Germany has only one ‘knee.’”
• “Dad-O, you shouldn’t draw graffiti on things,” admonishes Henry. “That’s called ‘fertilizing.'” (Er, “vandalizing,” son. :-))
• Our friends’ 2-year-old calls fish “glub glubs.” Finn’s intrigued: “Does he call sharks ‘killer glub glubs?’”
• At 7:38am Margot is teaching the boys the proper use of the term “buzzkill.” I love my family. 🙂
• Finn: “Why is it ‘pee’ and ‘pull’—’people’?”
  Henry: “Yeah, what do people pull?”
  Finn: “Your leg!”

• I catch Henry holding his sandwich over the warm vent. “I’m making a grilled cheese,” he explains.
• “Dad-O, I’m giving you an example,” says Henry. “Like when you walk by the food court & they give you a chicken example.”
• I’m trying to explain Easter being a “movable feast” when Finn breaks in: “Yeah yeah, a movable candy feast, I get it.”
• After listening to a war photographer, Henry tells his sock monkey, “Bruce ate a BBQ monkey leg—but don’t worry, it wasn’t your family.”
• Finnster, emerging from raiding the snack cabinet: “Look, Dad-O, I’ve got a Finny-positive chocolate chip Z Bar!”
• I told the boys about KitTea, a (real) proposed tea house full of gatos. “No, Dad-O!” said Henry. “We don’t want to eat cats!!”
• The boys have set up a lemonade stand out front to sell homemade “puke” for $3. (“I can’t believe no one is buying our puke!!”)
• “Mom-O, you know what’s fun about your dad?” asks Finn. “He’s fun to be around, and he makes SUPER delicious buttered popcorn!”
• “We get to eat the pot tonight!” a preschooler just told me. Er, that’s potLUCK, son.

• “Make me breakfast or I’ll smash your crotch off!!” MAN do tantrums suck, but they can produce some unintended comedy.
• “Dad-O,” announces Finn, “if you don’t give me more sushi, I’m gonna gun you down!” Aaaand, maybe less NPR listening for somebody.
• “This is as high as I go,” yells a flustered Finn from play equipment, “and I don’t wanna fall, so I don’t need to catch a bunch of crap!!”
• After a contentious morning Finn started poking my arm. “I’m pushing your buttons!!” And how!
• Margot to Finn: “You’re disrespectful.”
  F: “You’re disrespectable!”
  Ugh!
• Bareheaded Henry glowers at me: “Hmmph! I’ll just use my frown as a hat!!”
• A morose Finn sulks out of his room, post-timeout, carrying a homemade banner: “FINNEGAN SUCS.” Ay, dios mío…!

Man, I’ve been totally neglecting this category, so let me set about fixing that. Today’s edition: Music.

• “Dad-O,” asks radio-listening Henry, “are ‘musicians’ real? And do they really pull rabbits out of hats?”
• Henry: “Dad-O, what is ‘heavy metal?'”
  Me: “Oh, stuff like ‘Breaking The Law’ & ‘TNT.'”
  H.: “Oh! Heavy metal is good for me!!”
• Listening to Lorde’s “Teams,” 4yo Henry says, “She actually takes her hands off & throws them up in the air!” (I’d be kinda over that, too.)
• From the back seat this morning: “Dad-O, could a baby duck fit into a can of beer?” I guess the Pixies bring the weird out of Henry. #age4
• 80’s rocker nomenclature baffles young Henry.
  “I guess he must love watermelons.”
  “Who?”
  “John Cougar Watermeloncamp.”
• Henry, singing: “We built this city…”
  Me, chuckling: “What would Mom-O say if she heard you?”
  Henry: “G__DAMN it!!”
  (M.: “He’s not wrong.”)
• “The Rolling Stones?” Henry’s intrigued. “Do they sing quarry music?” Rock on, little man.
• Upon hearing Neil young’s Harvest Moon, Henry says “I think this is an old prospector making train track music.”
• I hear crooner Finn mashing up José Feliciano & Joy Division’s “Love Will Tear Us Apart”: “Feliz Navidad, aaa-gain…”
• I make the mistake of turning on KFOX in the car. From the back seat the boys immediately yell, “What Does KFOX Say?? Nya nya nyah nyah…!”
• My reciting of Public Enemy lyrics leaves Finn shaking his head. “I’m a white man, and I’m not familiar with anything Dad-O says!!”