Author: The Nack Daddy

• Music:
  • We’re in the car, hipping Finn to Johnny Cash: “‘Don’t take your guts to town’? But we have to: they’re in our tummies!”
  • “Strawberry bushes forever!” sings Finn, listening to the Beatles. He chuckles & shakes his head: “Johnny Cash…!”
  • Finn applies a pliers to his Pirate’s Booty snack: “I’m Dr. Bootycrusher!!” (Future R&B alter ego, maybe?)
• Patience:
  • Our poor amigo is feeling neglected: “Would you like your iPad taken by bad dudes?” he asks me. “Uh, no… Would *you* like them to take it?” I ask. “Yes!!”
  • At Target Finn points at Mom-O’s shopping list: “I think right here it says ‘Duh-un,DONE!'”
  • Rebuffed by Margot at the park, Finn tells us, “Well, I’m not gonna deal with a person who doesn’t ride the roller coaster!”
• Areas of expertise:
  • “The idea,” Finn’s advising Margot, “is don’t eat a massive burrito and then go on a bunch of rides; otherwise you’ll puke like Uncle Ted.”
  • “Blood is in the whole body,” Dr. Finn tells his little bro, “except the crotch & butt-crotch.”
• A smirking Finn sneaks up behind me as I try to work from home: “I see you’ve found a pleasant hiding spot…”
• Morning news: “Dad-O, I dreamed I cooked an egg under a fruit bar wrapper, and Henry took it, and then he gave me a smack in the butt!”
• “I want a huge bag of ear gunk!” Finn declares, eyeing a Costco bag of Cheeze-Its. Draw your own conclusions.
• Bambinos:
  • “Dad-O, does Alethea have two babies in her tummy?” “Nope, just one.” “Then why does she have two boobs?” Aaand, cue that conversation.
  • “Baby Tegan can’t talk,” reports Finn, “but she can shriek. Her shrieking-sound is like a chicken–a bizarre chicken!!”
• “So Finny, how was your Thomas video?” “Good. The diesels gave Thomas a wedgie, even though steamies don’t wear underpants.”

At risk of burning you out on these things, here are a few more Henry-isms gathered over the last several months:

• As we listen on speakerphone, the conference call system says, “Press the pound key.” “Press the palm tree!” grins Henry. “Robot lady said it!”
• “You crushed me, Dad-O,” says poor Hen, clutching the paw I grazed. “Could you not crush me, Dad-O?”
• Ear nose & throat:
  • On the way to Tahoe, high altitude is messing with Henry’s head: “I need new ears, Dad-O! Take off these ones!”
  • Henry points to his nose: “This a tree. Bird in it.” Draws mom’s finger to his nostril: “Mom-O get out the bird.”
• Vehicles:
  • “There’s Boeing Constrictor, Dad-O,” notes little Henry. “That’s not an A320.” My boy!
  • As I playfully ram my head into Henry’s back, he shakes his head: “You’re not a tramp steamer, Dad-O.”
  • “I’m a scooper truck” reports Henry, tapping his butt. “I have metal here–in my cheeks.”
• G-Man considers YouTube: “I would like some… Foxy Lady. I would like… more Garth.”
• No more tears:
  • Little Henry rubs his eyes, claims not to be crying: “I’m just movin’ my eyeball.”
  • Me: “Did you have a nice day, Henry?” H: “Yeah. I was shrieking.” Me: “You were shrieking?” H: “Yeah. CoCo says, ‘No shrieking.'” Wise lady.

Good times over the last few months with the big guy:

• Mondegreens:
  • Finn eyes a raspberry. “Is it part of a bear?” “A bear? Er, no–‘berry,’ not ‘bear.'” “But is it buried??” (Verbatim, I swear.)
  • Sushi restaurant Finnyisms: “I see a Possum-lady fan.” [oscillating fan] “I’d like a Spider-Man roll.”
  • Parmesan cheese -> “Farmer John cheese.”
  • “I’m a robin, Dad-O.” “Oh, you’re a bird?” “No, we’re bad dudes, robbin’ you!!”
  • I explained minivans to Finn. “You mean like a mouse van?” he asked. It took me a while to make the “Minnie” Mouse connection!
  • “Dad-O, if a we had a monkey who liked chips, he’d be a chip-monk!” Right on, little guy.
• Transportation:
  • “What is ‘U-tah?'” asks Finn. “Is it a big truck you can rent?”
  • Margot: “…but it’s a freeway, so…” Finn: “What’s a ‘Butt Freeway’??” Ah, he’ll be so let down. (Me too, kinda.)
• Language:
  • “After the bizarre poodle incident,” Finn tells me in bed, “the results were usually disastrous.” (Your guess is as good as mine!)
  • “Bizarre”: Great word to teach a kid, or GREATEST word? “I’m a bizarre chicken, Dad-O! And you’re a bizarre Dad-O!”

We keep collecting random Micronaxx bits via Twitter, and I realize I haven’t shared any in months. Here, then, is a sample set from the G-Man:

• On Being Dr. No:
  • Henry’s taken to disagreeing with everything, to the point CoCo calls him “Mr. NoNo.”  “I’m not Mr. NoNo!” he insists.  (See?)
  • Hen contradicts everyone–even the Beatles:
    • John Lennon: “Nothing is real..”
    • Henry Nack: “It is real! (What’s the strawberry dude singing about?”)
  • “You’re a nice little boy, Henry,” says Margot. “I’m not a little boy,” he replies, “I’m a small man!”
  • Turns out 2-year-olds don’t really “get” rhetorical questions. “Want to get dressed or just fight me all day?” I ask Henry. “Fight you all day!”
• Treats:
  • “This is my snack,” announces Henry, brandishing his wet finger. “May you eat this snack, Dad-O?”
  • Having been told we have options for dinner, Henry emerges from the pantry holding up Mac & Cheese: “I would like to eat these options!”
  • The other day we were watching WALL-E with the lads. WALL-E cuts open an old fridge. “It has cheesy milk in it?” asks Henry.
  • Our pizza-loving kids? “Crustifarians.”
• El Baño:
  • Spanish immersion is paying off: Henry announced this morning, “I did mucho pee-pee at preschool!”
  • Henry denies needing a new diaper. Me: “You’ve got something brown.” H: “It’s not brown!” Me: “What color is it?” H: (pause) “It’s not green..!”
  • “I’m not peeing on your leg,” announces Henry. “I peed on the rug last night… It was awesome!*”

*I learned later that Margot had responded to the peeing with a sarcastic, “Oh, that’s awesome.”