Micronaxx The adventures of Finn & Henry

29Mar/121

Transient Witticisms: Food, Music, & More

  • "You don't have to hold my hand, Finny," I say.
    "I want to!," he protests. "There's a lot of people here & I don't want to get captured!"
  • "Dad-O, do you see what I'm doing?" asks Finn. "I'm getting my muscles a little bit stronger & heavier so I can do special techniques!"
  • Music
    • I told the kids I'm visiting a guy named Stu today. "A Boy Named Stu??" asked Finn.
    • "Dad-O, when I'm older we'll get a dog who *won't* chew kids' toys, and we'll name him Paul Simon!"
    • "Pumped-Up Kicks?" Finn says incredulously. "I thought Kix were cereal."
    • Listening to "Another One Bites The Dust." Finn: "That Freddie Markery is a weird guy, Dad-O. 'Hangin' on the edge of your sink'?"
  • Chow:
    • I've raised a 4yo son who, in the middle of McDonald's & out of the blue, yells "Captain Sullenberger? Captain Cheeseburger!!" I rule. 🙂
    • "When it's your birthday, do you have to eat real food, or can you just eat cake?" asks a hopeful, birthday-eve Finn.
    • The boys brandish curly straws.
      Henry: "This is my sales tool!"
      Me: "Your... what??"
      Finn: "Yeah, they help managers!"
      (No idea, I swear!)
    • The lads are debating anatomy over breakfast:
      F: "Elephants are meat."
      H: "Noo!"
      F: "*You're* meat!"
      H: "But my *bones* are not meat!!"
  • Neighbor kids invite us to their treehouse. "It's our secret lavatory!" Boy I hope that's not true.
  • We're playing pirates out back. "You make me peel potatoes, Dad-O," says Finn. "I'm your galley sleeve!"
13Mar/121

Transient Witticisms: Hen-speak

  • Henry's jealous of Finn's March birthday.
    H: "I don't want July! I want a different month!"
    Me: "Like what?"
    H: "Um... San Francisco!"
  • Henry sees the globe on Continental planes: "Those are raccoon airplanes. They have stripey tails!"
  • Hen channels his mom: Rolling on the floor he says, "My back is hurting. I'm doing exercises." And then, "My back wants truck videos!"
  • Henry's learning "sorry."
    H: "Sorry I puked all over, Dad-O."
    Me: "Oh, you don't have to be sorry, bud."
    H: "Sorry I apologized."
  • "What are *these*, Dad-O?" asks Henry, fingering my forehead wrinkles. Been asking myself that, son.
  • On speakerphone the conf. call system says, "Press the pound key."
    "Press the palm tree!" grins Henry. "Robot lady said it!"
  • "It's not Christmas anymore, Mad Birds," declares Henry. "Take off your party helmets!"
28Feb/120

Transient Witticisms: Big men knowin’ some stuff

  • M: "Finny, you are my sunshine."
    F: "Yeah, and the Lego chopper pilots are *my* sunshine!"
  • Big guys:
    • Finn notices me dawdling on Twitter. "Time for you to hit the shower, Big Man!" he declares.
    • Finn, to Margot's six-foot-four dad: "Grandpa, when you grow up, you'll be as tall as a GIANT!!"
    • "I moved Henry's fragile truck," Finn tells me from the couch, "so you wouldn't shatter it with your big ol' Dad-O butt." #verbatim
  • "I'm Captain Sully, Dad-O," Finn advises me from the jungle gym. "I'm watching out for birds so we don't end up in the Hudson!"
  • Finn's taken to telling me bedtime stories, then wrapping up with "And THAT, my Dad-O, is the end of that!"
  • Rebuffed by Margot at the park, Finn tells us, "Well, I'm not gonna deal with a person who doesn't ride the roller coaster!"
  • Bird-like bits:
    • "Dad-O, I found you a new pecker!" declares Finn, brandishing a stick (y'know, for peck-peck-pecking). Sometimes I sure love my life. 🙂
    • After "pecking" the boys with a stick, I discarded it in the driveway. "Oh no, Dad-O," said Finn, "Don't let the Ocho run over your pecker!"
  • "Yeah, I know you have to get money to pay for things--like the gazebo." -- Finn, mourning our return to work.
23Feb/120

Transient Witticisms: Germans, Creatures, & Chaos

  • Deutschland:
    • "Moin moin moin moin moin moin!" says Finn.
      "Could you stop that?" asks Margot.
      "No," he says, "I'm a German!"
    • "Peanuts are green," sings Finn, "roses are red... and Germans are crazy!" (Sorry, Germans! :))
    • Henry, just now: "Is Mom-O talking to Germans?"
      Me: "Yep."
      Finn: "No! Nein nein nein nein!!"
  • Creatures:
    • "I'm a Clark, Dad-O," Henry reports.
      "You're a… 'Clark'?," I ask.
      "Yeah. In the dark, in a park." #OneFishTwoFish
    • I overhear Finn yelling at a strange green seed pod: "Get over here, you darn... Boba Fett!"
    • "What's that guy, Dad-O?"
      "It's a daddy longlegs."
      "And that one?"
      "Uh... that's a daddy fatbutt."
      I am a tremendous educational resource.
  • Chaos:
    • "You need to look after me, Dad-O," Finn tells me, "or"--eyes twinkling--"I might have to cause *mayhem*!"
    • Finn helpfully corrects my reading of an ABC book: "M is for 'Mayhem,' V is for 'Volvo,' and P is for 'Pee!'"
18Feb/120

Transient Witticisms: Fun with Food

  • "What's inside an avocado, Dad-O?," wonders Finn.
    "Well, there's a pit..." I begin.
    "Yeah," he adds, "and guacamole!!"
  • Thoughtful 2yo Henry, returning from a 9am grocery store run: "Dad-O may you drink some beer, please?"
    NOW it's a Christmas break.
  • Marching off to grab my beverage, 2yo Henry gleefully announces, "Coke is SPICY, for NOT ME!!"
  • Tonight's culinary innovation: "Kid on the Cob." Req. tender thigh of tot, aged 2-3 yrs. Serves large helpings of hilarity, family-style.
  • Margot to Finn on Saturday morning: "Want a corn dog, hon?"
    Finn: "No, I only eat corn dogs on the weekend."
  • Having learned about farm implements in Galena, Finn asks me, "Is there a big blade in our tummies to mix up the food?"
  • Surprise: your keyboard includes an "ice cream cone" key. This according to 2yo Henry (viewing Volume Up sideways).
  • Finn's parting comment to Margot as she tucked him in: "I assume there will be breakfast in the morning?" 😀
14Feb/120

Transient Witticisms: A Little Baño Music

We haven't done a wrap-up like this since October (!), so here's a belated round-up of the guys' little sayings since then.

  • Music:
    • I body slam Finno in the laundry room. He sings back, "I fell into a burning ring of hamper…!"
    • I catch Finn singing our neighbor's name into the tune of "Thunderstruck": "oohOOWahahAAHow, PAB-LO!"
    • Hipped the boys to AC/DC's "Thunderstruck" via YouTube chopper videos. Henry asks, "What is that baby [Brian Johnson] crying about?"
    • "Foom foom FOOM Foom foom!" Finn sings to Henry this morning. "Reality hits you *hard*, bro!"
    • Finn's running around, sticking phrases into "Ride of the Valkyries" (e.g. "Open the SANDbox, open the SANDbox…!") That. Is. My. BOY! 😀
    • Oddest mash-up, courtesy of our son: Peter Gabriel meets Sandra Boyton. "I want to be, your personal Sledgehammer…"
    • Young Henry considers YouTube: "I would like some... Foxy Lady. I would like... more Garth."
    • After hearing LMFAO's "Party Anthem," Finn compulsively claws at his ear: "Get it out!!"
  • El Baño:
    • "Maybe we could come to Guatemala with you, Dad-O," notes Finn, "but I don't want the kids to sit on my lap & pee on me."
    • "Adios, poop!" waves a cheerful Finn. "See ya later when the toilet backs up!"
    • Margot says I'm "guilty as charged.""Yeah," says Finn, "you're guilty ASS-charged!!"("Guilty ass-poop," adds Henry.)
    • "I'm having a massive poop, Dad-O," announces wee Henry. "It's gonna *scare* me!!" (He claims it has arms & legs to hunt him down.)
    • Henry emerges from the basement & finds Mom-O upstairs: "I heard the potty stop so I came up."
      M: "You're a smart boy, Hen."
      H: "Yes I am!"Modest, too. 🙂
    • "Sorry for party rocking, Dad-O," Henry tells me.
      "Sorry for potty rocking," corrects Finn.
7Oct/110

Transient Witticisms (Finn Vol. 3)

  • Music:
    • We're in the car, hipping Finn to Johnny Cash: "'Don't take your guts to town'? But we have to: they're in our tummies!"
    • "Strawberry bushes forever!" sings Finn, listening to the Beatles. He chuckles & shakes his head: "Johnny Cash…!"
    • Finn applies a pliers to his Pirate's Booty snack: "I'm Dr. Bootycrusher!!" (Future R&B alter ego, maybe?)
  • Patience:
    • Our poor amigo is feeling neglected: "Would you like your iPad taken by bad dudes?" he asks me. "Uh, no... Would *you* like them to take it?" I ask. "Yes!!"
    • At Target Finn points at Mom-O's shopping list: "I think right here it says 'Duh-un,DONE!'"
    • Rebuffed by Margot at the park, Finn tells us, "Well, I'm not gonna deal with a person who doesn't ride the roller coaster!"
  • Areas of expertise:
    • "The idea," Finn's advising Margot, "is don't eat a massive burrito and then go on a bunch of rides; otherwise you'll puke like Uncle Ted."
    • "Blood is in the whole body," Dr. Finn tells his little bro, "except the crotch & butt-crotch."
  • A smirking Finn sneaks up behind me as I try to work from home: "I see you've found a pleasant hiding spot…"
  • Morning news: "Dad-O, I dreamed I cooked an egg under a fruit bar wrapper, and Henry took it, and then he gave me a smack in the butt!"
  • "I want a huge bag of ear gunk!" Finn declares, eyeing a Costco bag of Cheeze-Its. Draw your own conclusions.
  • Bambinos:
    • "Dad-O, does Alethea have two babies in her tummy?" "Nope, just one." "Then why does she have two boobs?" Aaand, cue that conversation.
    • "Baby Tegan can't talk," reports Finn, "but she can shriek. Her shrieking-sound is like a chicken--a bizarre chicken!!"
  • "So Finny, how was your Thomas video?" "Good. The diesels gave Thomas a wedgie, even though steamies don't wear underpants."
3Oct/110

Transient Witticisms (Henry Vol. 3)

At risk of burning you out on these things, here are a few more Henry-isms gathered over the last several months:

  • As we listen on speakerphone, the conference call system says, "Press the pound key." "Press the palm tree!" grins Henry. "Robot lady said it!"
  • "You crushed me, Dad-O," says poor Hen, clutching the paw I grazed. "Could you not crush me, Dad-O?"
  • Ear nose & throat:
    • On the way to Tahoe, high altitude is messing with Henry's head: "I need new ears, Dad-O! Take off these ones!"
    • Henry points to his nose: "This a tree. Bird in it." Draws mom's finger to his nostril: "Mom-O get out the bird."
  • Vehicles:
    • "There's Boeing Constrictor, Dad-O," notes little Henry. "That's not an A320." My boy!
    • As I playfully ram my head into Henry's back, he shakes his head: "You're not a tramp steamer, Dad-O."
    • "I'm a scooper truck" reports Henry, tapping his butt. "I have metal here--in my cheeks."
  • G-Man considers YouTube: "I would like some... Foxy Lady. I would like... more Garth."
  • No more tears:
    • Little Henry rubs his eyes, claims not to be crying: "I'm just movin' my eyeball."
    • Me: "Did you have a nice day, Henry?" H: "Yeah. I was shrieking." Me: "You were shrieking?" H: "Yeah. CoCo says, 'No shrieking.'" Wise lady.
27Sep/111

Transient Witticisms (Finn Vol. 2)

Good times over the last few months with the big guy:
  • Mondegreens:
    • Finn eyes a raspberry. "Is it part of a bear?" "A bear? Er, no--'berry,' not 'bear.'" "But is it buried??" (Verbatim, I swear.)
    • Sushi restaurant Finnyisms: "I see a Possum-lady fan." [oscillating fan] "I'd like a Spider-Man roll."
    • Parmesan cheese -> "Farmer John cheese."
    • "I'm a robin, Dad-O." "Oh, you're a bird?" "No, we're bad dudes, robbin' you!!"
    • I explained minivans to Finn. "You mean like a mouse van?" he asked. It took me a while to make the "Minnie" Mouse connection!
    • "Dad-O, if a we had a monkey who liked chips, he'd be a chip-monk!" Right on, little guy.
  • Transportation:
    • "What is 'U-tah?'" asks Finn. "Is it a big truck you can rent?"
    • Margot: "...but it's a freeway, so..." Finn: "What's a 'Butt Freeway'??" Ah, he'll be so let down. (Me too, kinda.)
  • Language:
    • "After the bizarre poodle incident," Finn tells me in bed, "the results were usually disastrous." (Your guess is as good as mine!)
    • "Bizarre": Great word to teach a kid, or GREATEST word? "I'm a bizarre chicken, Dad-O! And you're a bizarre Dad-O!"
26Sep/110

Transient Witticisms (Henry Vol. 2)

We keep collecting random Micronaxx bits via Twitter, and I realize I haven't shared any in months. Here, then, is a sample set from the G-Man:

  • On Being Dr. No:
    • Henry's taken to disagreeing with everything, to the point CoCo calls him "Mr. NoNo."  "I'm not Mr. NoNo!" he insists.  (See?)
    • Hen contradicts everyone--even the Beatles:
      • John Lennon: "Nothing is real.."
      • Henry Nack: "It is real! (What's the strawberry dude singing about?")
    • "You're a nice little boy, Henry," says Margot. "I'm not a little boy," he replies, "I'm a small man!"
    • Turns out 2-year-olds don't really "get" rhetorical questions. "Want to get dressed or just fight me all day?" I ask Henry. "Fight you all day!"
  • Treats:
    • "This is my snack," announces Henry, brandishing his wet finger. "May you eat this snack, Dad-O?"
    • Having been told we have options for dinner, Henry emerges from the pantry holding up Mac & Cheese: "I would like to eat these options!"
    • The other day we were watching WALL-E with the lads. WALL-E cuts open an old fridge. "It has cheesy milk in it?" asks Henry.
    • Our pizza-loving kids? "Crustifarians."
  • El Baño:
    • Spanish immersion is paying off: Henry announced this morning, "I did mucho pee-pee at preschool!"
    • Henry denies needing a new diaper. Me: "You've got something brown." H: "It's not brown!" Me: "What color is it?" H: (pause) "It's not green..!"
    • "I'm not peeing on your leg," announces Henry. "I peed on the rug last night... It was awesome!*"

*I learned later that Margot had responded to the peeing with a sarcastic, "Oh, that's awesome."

18Jun/110

Transient Witticisms (Henry edition)

Not to be left out, G-Man's contributed some fun bits lately:


  • Language:
    • Henry has taken to answering yes-or-no questions (e.g. "Do you want a snack, yes or no?") with "Yes or no!"
    • Unfamiliar with shorts, Henry tugs desperately at his hems: "Close down... my pants!!"
    • Henry greeted me rubbing his face: "Seagull... broke my eyeball." And later: "I'm a goofy ball!" (meaning goofball).
    • "Dad-O may you sit with you, Dad-O?" asks Henry. Quasi-palindromes from a tiny man.
    • A toddler + the word "actually" = A parent-correcting bonanza. ("Watch out for the car, Henry," I say. "*Jeep*, actually," he replies.)
  • Henry munches a brown M&M, eyeing the bag's wooden shelf: "How bout... orange one? Cut it down... from the tree!"  (We've consequently dubbed the shelf "The Tree.")
  • As I'm changing Henry's diaper, he grabs my passport, shoves it between his toes, and says, "Readin' the Dad-O book!"
  • Henry sees me shirtless post-workout & runs screaming "No, no!" He later asks, "Dad-O go to Pilates?" Dang, boy, I can take a hint...
  • Apple might describe the little guy's slap-footed form of locomotion as "I Pad, Shuffle."
18Jun/111

Transient Witticisms (Finn edition)

We enjoy using Twitter to capture fun little bits involving the boys. We used to put tweets alongside the blog, but a few months ago we hit a technical glitch I haven't been able to resolve. Therefore I thought I'd pull together some good recent bits from the Finnster (Henry to follow!).

  • Meat-loving Finn, learning of Dirt Devil vacuums, reports, "I'm a Bacon Devil! I like to suck up bacon!!"
  • I taught Finn about deodorant this morning. "Is it Dennis the Mennen?" he asks.
  • Safety First: From his Cozy Coupe Finn announces, "I'm locking the door so no bad dudes named Henry get in!"
  • Food:
    • Finn's turned "Edna St. Vincent Millay" into "Edna Wasabi Sushi Magoo." #poetaster
    • Beyonce perplexes Finn: "What are 'Almond Single Ladies?'"
    • Came across Finn dropping yellow & black sawhorse beams into toilet paper tubes. "I'm making a good soup of bananas & chocolate" he reports.
    • We've somehow made a 3-year-old who loves, and asks for, "artisanal bread." Oh my.
  • Baseball:
    • We're at the SJ Giants game (Finn's first ballgame!). "Are they part of They Might Be Giants?" he asks.
    • A ballgame stunt involved chipping golf balls into a kiddie pool. Relaying this to Mom later Finn said "They were using a cat pool!" ("kiddie"->"kitty")
  • "I'm drawing you an American Eagle," Finn reports. "Is the 'FUselage' where the FUel goes?" (Yes, my proto-plane nerd, yes!)
  • Baño:
    • Finn, with a fistful of pull-up, says, "Stay down, regular pants: I'll pull you up in a minute."
    • He's started using the epithet "You *shy bladder*!" to yell at things. (I'm already saving for therapy.)
    • "This is a broken-down BMW," announces Finn, disassembling a toy car. "Now it's a BM!!"
    • "Someone's strummin' on the old baño!" announces Finn. Fiddle-ee-i-oh!
  • Casually filling a garbage bag with his belongings, Finn announces, "I like living in boxcars. I'm a hobo!"
  • As Finn tucked my iPhone under his blanket tonight, I heard him whisper, "Shh, I love you..."